Well, it looks like the people of Alabama have spoken. And what they said was this: It was a very difficult decision. But after much struggle, thought and deliberation we’ve decided by a very small margin that maybe at least for now, we should NOT elect a child molester into office. After all, sexual assault has no place in the senate. That honor is reserved for the presidency.
So, take that free world! And by free world, I mean developed industrialized western nations outside the U.S. Looking at you Germany.
I know Europe has been closely following this election. And to our European friends I say “Take That!” You may have been laughing at us. But you laugh no more. Because we as a country have proven to you that there are certain lines we don’t cross. There are some things in America that we just simply do not tolerate.
And to make clear those things that we do not tolerate here, I’ve taken the liberty of making a list of things that we do not tolerate on the left side and things that we do tolerate in the U.S. on the right side of this list :
|Things NOT tolerated in America:||Things we DO tolerate in America:|
|Democracy||Fascism, Nazis. (Great people on Both sides)|
|Facts/Data||FOX News, Info Wars.|
|Science||Superstition. Accusations of scientists being liars.|
|Civil Rights||Voter suppression|
|Free Press||Call for arrest of journalists.|
|Healthcare for all. (like virtually all other civilized democratic western nations.)||Healthcare for all… that can afford it.|
|Women’s right to choose. Gov’t is responsible to protect the children!||Terminating CHIP (Childrens Health Insurance Program). Gov’t is NOT responsible to protect the children!|
|Sensible gun laws.||Thoughts and prayers. (Because we know how well this works.)|
|Trickle down theory – I mean the pee tapes. WHERE ARE THEY?||Trickle down theory – Increase taxes on the poor and middle class to reward your donors. (Don’t worry. When you get pissed on, it will work itself out. That’s why it’s called “trickle down” economics.)|
|Socks and Sandals. (This is NEVER ok!)||Sandals|
|Using a private email server to plan a wedding.||Collusion with foreign governments.|
|Electing child molesters and Sexual assaulters. (Maybe. Sometimes. It depends. Are they Christian republican molesters?)||Electing child molesters and Sexual assaulters. (Maybe. Sometimes. It depends. Are they Christian republican molesters?)|
So see Europe? You can stop laughing at us…. and start pitying us instead.
But before you do, just remember one thing. You know that time that trashy couple moved in next door to you? They always blasted their music at midnight. Never mowed the lawn and left the garbage out so rats and roaches inevitably crawled through your yard. You sat there helplessly watching as the alcoholic father sat outside his decrepit porch with half eaten rotten food spread upon the yard right next to your property. Meanwhile his his junkie daughter and useless wife pranced around like they owned the place. Their dog would shit on your yard and they never cleaned up. Your property value decreased and there was little you could do. You couldn’t afford to move elsewhere. So you just hoped that if you ignore them enough they’ll eventually move away. Well we’re not going anywhere. Howdy neighbor!
MAGA – May Americans Gain Awareness