Ruining Santa – Ethan’s World

Posted by
ethan_sad

Dad I wish you didn’t ruin Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and magic for me when I was 6.
I’m 9 now and holidays are no longer fun because I know that Santa isn’t real.

 

rudy_question

You wish I lied to you?

 

ethan_shout

Yes. At least at the beginning you could have lied and told me that Santa was real.

 

 

rudy

Mom and I wanted to be honest with you so that you’d be a critical thinker and not grow up stupid.

 

ethan

Yeah, well you could have at least lied about Santa at the beginning and let me believe what I wanted to believe. I could have believed in magic and Santa. Then things would be fun. Now holidays are boring because I know the truth.
You could have told me later when I got older. Maybe when I was 13 or something.

 

rudy_sad

Sorry Ethan. We just didn’t want you to grow up dumb and be lied to while believing in superstitious nonsense with no scientific backing.                                                                        I didn’t mean to ruin holiday’s or magic for you.
I’m sorry that you are mad at me and mom.

 

ethan

I’m not mad at you and mom.

 

rudy_happy

Really?

 

 

ethan_angry

Yeah. Just YOU.

 

rudy_facepalm

Of course.

 

…A few days later….
rudy_happy

Hey Ethan, you know what?
Last night, I was researching something online and it turns out Santa is actually real!

 

ethan

No way.

 

rudy

Yeah. I guess I was wrong all along. I looked it up.
I originally thought he wasn’t real, but it turns out he IS real!

 

 

rudy_smartass

The reason he wasn’t coming to your house on Christmas is because we had to register your name with the “Office of Santa Commission” online at the North Pole Bureau.
That way, he would know where you live. It’s a very convoluted bureaucratic process these days. There’s a lot of government red tape involved.
But anyway, I registered you. So Santa now knows where you live!

 

 

rudy_happy

So you see? He is real after all. So let’s just go about our day and…

 

ethan

…..how does he travel?

 

 

rudy_question

Um.. well he uses technology. You see, the reindeer have rockets attached to them so it lets him fly.
Ok? Cool. We’ve established that he is real.
So let’s just change the topic.
You know, an interesting thing happened to me when I was….

 

ethan_angry

Nobody can live that long. It’s biologically impossible. I know that.

 

rudy_authority

Uh…right. Well…when Santa gets too old, his son takes over the business and he becomes the new Santa.
So Santa IS real. Now let’s stop talking about it.
So anyway, I was…

 

ethan_question

What if Santa stops having children? It’s been many years.
One of his sons may not be able to have children. Then what?
And how can he fly to everyone in one night? It’s not logical.

 

 

rudy_angry

He works it out. He gets help.

 

 

ethan

I want evidence.

 

 

rudy_smartass

Well, he will come to your house on Christmas eve.
You just have to leave milk and cookies for him overnight.

 

 

rudy_happy

Um…it turns out Santa actually likes the same cookies that I do.
So make sure you leave the same kind of cookies or he won’t come.
He’s kind of a prick about these things. So if you don’t bribe him he never shows up.

 

 

ethan_facepalm

…..hmmmmm

 

 

ethan

I want proof that he is there.

 

 

rudy_smartass

Well he will show up at night while you are sleeping.

 

 

ethan_authority

I’ll check the closet for a Santa suit to make sure you didn’t dress up as Santa.
We’ll also check our security cameras in the living room to obtain evidence that Santa was there.
If he really exists, we should have evidence of him.

 

 

rudy_facepalm

sigh…. Ethan, don’t you just want to believe that Santa is real?

 

 

ethan_shout

Yes. Of course I do. But I don’t want to be stupid.
I’m already a critical thinker. It’s too late. I can’t help it anymore!

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