How the Organigrinch Stole Reason

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For those unfamiliar with the word “woo”,  woo is a word skeptics use to describe pseudo-scientific and often anti-scientific ideas – ideas that are irrational and not based on evidence commensurate with the extraordinary nature of the claim. It is another word for pseudoscience. It consists of statements, beliefs, or practices claimed to be scientific or factual, in absence of evidence through the appropriate scientific method.

These are ideas that usually rely on magical thinking, are rarely tested to see if they are real, and are usually resistant to reason and contrary evidence.

A woo or woo head can also be a person who hold those beliefs. So you could say, for example, “homeopathy is woo” or “woos believe in homeopathy.”  (http://skeptico.blogs.com/skeptico/woo-woo.html)

If you take homeopathic medicine, believe organic food is healthier, vaccines cause autism or that “Alternative Medicine” is somehow the “real cure” because scientists are lying about real natural cures, you just may be a woo-head.  Also you are entitled to your opinions. But you are never entitled to your own facts.

If you are insulted by reading this, please keep in mind that I don’t give a damn since you are most likely the target of this ridicule and not a protected entity whose feelings I must be careful not to offend. To anyone else, enjoy.

Below is a poem I have written a few years ago about the Organigrinch who stole “Reason”. I post it every year before Christmas as warning to everyone to be careful lest the Organigrinch come for you this year.

 

How the Organigrinch Stole Reason

 

All the woos down in Wooville liked logic a lot.

But the Organigrinch living in a converted school bus on an organic hemp field north of Wooville did not.

The Organigrinch hated logic, and science, and reason.

Evidence based practice to him was pure treason!

It could have been all the organic food he ingested.

Or the “March Against Monsanto” at which he protested.

But I think that the most likely reason of all,

May have been that his brain was two sizes too small.

 

But whatever the reason. Organic food that he ate.

He stood there on that hemp field. T’was the Woos that he’d hate.

Staring down from his converted school bus with a smug, Organigrinchy frown.

At warm enlightened windows below in their town.

For he knew every Woo down in Wooville beneath,

was embracing science!  Not silly beliefs.

 

“They’re relying on logic instead of false hopes.

They’re researching stories. They confirm them on Snopes!

They’re employing evidence based practice it seems.

They’re seeing their doctors. They’re getting VACCINES!

They’re reading their books and fact checking too.

They use common sense. They’re IGNORING ALL WOO!

 

And then they’d do something he liked least of all.

Every Woo down in Wooville, the tall and the small,

Will gather together and before he could blink,

They’d THINK and they’d THINK, and they’d THINK! THINK! THINK! THINK!

“And there’s one thing I can’t stand is a Woo who can THINK.

A Woo who can think fills the air with a STINK!”

And the more the Organigrinch thought of the Woo who would think,

The more the Organigrinch thought, “I must make them all sink!”

“Why for fifty-three years, I’ve put up with it now.

I must stop these Woos from thinking. But how?”

Then he got an idea. An awful idea.

The Organigrinch got a Wonderful, Awful idea!

 

“I’ll go to the papers. I’ll go on the news.

I’ll say you can cure cancer with Organic Juice!

I’ll warn them about the evils of Vaccines!

How it causes Entitilitus. Who cares what it means!

I’ll warn about chemicals!

GMO kills!

Deniers, I’ll accuse of being paid – Big Pharma Shills!

I’ll spread mass hysteria. The lies will go deep.

Anyone who states facts, I’ll refer to as SHEEP!

Conspiracy theories making no sense at all,

Will affect their emotions, bringing brains to a stall.”

 

“Then with the Woos at the end of their ropes,

I’ll bring on the fake cures for woo gullible dopes.

Organic foods the Organigrinch sells himself he assures.

Chiropractors, acupunctures, alternative cures!

Chemical free products – whatever that means.

Essential oils and of course NO VACCINES!”

 

And since that day the Woos became woo-heads.

They all went to sleep on their organic “woo-beds” (sold to them by the Organigrinch).

Now they all swear that since banning vaccines,

they never get Entitilitus. Though nobody could explain what that means.

The woo heads get angry when exposed of their woo.

They say “WAKE UP SHEEPLE! Big PHARMA and SCIENTISTS LIE TO YOU”.

Though for some reason they believe that their psychics are right,

And acupuncturists know how to improve their eye sight.

They yell “all those doctors are lying to me!”

But are fine treating gangrene with ginger and pee. – Of course just as long as it’s chemical free.

 

There was no saving Wooville. But it wasn’t alone.

He needed more victims to claim for his own.

So when Organigrinch comes looking for the next woo.

Who will be the next woo-head. Will you?

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