We have a spare cell phone in the living room. But we double it as a phone to scare Ethan. When he is misbehaving, I call that spare phone on my primary cell phone and it rings. When it rings, I pick up that extra cell phone (it is dead air but he doesn’t know that). I pretend it is the police. We also scared him by showing him a pic of a “White Trash Family” we found on the internet. He calls them “Gross Parents.” Whenever he is bad, we say that we will send him to live with these gross parents.
(Starting to cry) Is that the police?!
Yes officer. Yes. Yes that is correct. Ethan has been a bad boy.
He refuses to go to sleep.
WRONG! (He’s been picking up bad habits from Donald Trump.)
He said he doesn’t want to be with me and mommy anymore.
No I do. I do!!!! Thanks A LOT dad! Now they’re gonna arrest me.
Yes officer. You have new gross parents that can pick him up today? They’ll be over soon? Great!
NO!!!!!!! Please. I don’t want to go to gross parents.
But Ethan. It’s great. With them, you can go to bed anytime you want. They don’t even have beds! You never have to shower either!
I promise I’ll behave (crying). Don’t let the police arrest me.
Ok Ethan. But remember. We always know what you are doing. Police are watching and we have cameras in every room. (Hey my son wanted secret cameras in his totalitarian regime so let’s see how he likes it when he has to live in one.)
Now whenever phone rings. Even if it is the pizza guy, wrong number or anyone at all, Ethan runs to the room and yells. “Who is it?! Is it the police?! Police?! They’re coming to arrest me?!” “No Ethan. It’s not for you”, I reply. Next day, the phone rings. Ethan again runs out. “Who is it?! Police?? They coming to arrest me?!”
Hahah… oh he’ll hate us when he eventually realizes how we fucked with him and he’ll probably eventually get revenge on us. But til then………..