(This happened last year when Ethan was 8 years old and in 2nd grade)
Meet my son, Ethan. Future politician. Ethan will be a great politician one day. He constantly lies about everything. The only time he admits he has done something wrong is when he is caught. Then he tries to weasel his way out of it.
It was that way when he got there. He’s sorry and admits he did wrong. But only after he gets caught. And wrong is relative, depending on how you define “wrong” and what the definition of “did” really is.
Picked up Ethan after class trip.
Ethan, mom packed your lunch on the field trip. How was it?
(Bullshit. He has a history of throwing away his packed lunch. This has been going on for years and we caught him before.)
Did you eat it all?
Yeah. Well. Most of it.
Really? Tell me what happened. I KNOW so you better be honest. I already spoke to your teacher so tell the truth because she already told me what happened today.
(Bullshit. I spoke to nobody.)
Ok. I threw away my lunch.
Mom was exhausted and spend all evening packing your lunch. Why did you lie about throwing it away?!
I didn’t lie. I told you I threw it out.
You only told me after I caught you!
Well, I didn’t really lie. I said I ate most of it.
How much is most? She packed pasta, meat and yogurt and a bag of carrots!
I had one carrot stick.
(Few weeks later)
… In Ethan’s room I find that his 150.00 Android Tablet has a cracked screen. It is broken. Touch pad unresponsive. Brat has been hiding it from me for a while.
I know this because the night before, I told him to go practice multiplication on his tablet and he pretended to go and do it. I asked him if he practiced the math on his (apparently broken) tablet and he looked me in the eyes with a straight face and said “Yes, daddy I’m finished with my multiplication.” I asked my wife if she knew anything about this and she did not know about the broken tablet either. He has been hiding it from both of us. So the following day, I pick him up from school.
Ethan how was your day.
I’m fine. Leave me alone (attitude everyday).
I just need to refresh! Ok?!
Well, excuse me! I didn’t realize an 8 year old needs to “refresh” after 2nd grade. My, what interesting words you use. If mommy ever said that to her mom when she was a kid, the only thing that she’d be refreshing would be her face after her mother slapped her there with her hand. But go ahead and refresh yourself, son.
( 5 minutes later)
FINE! I’m now ready to talk to you.
I was thinking. After homework, we can play a game. You want to play a game with me?
Whatever…I’ll play alone.
Wait… what kind of game.
A Pokemon game. (Ethan loves Pokemon)
Wow… um.. Ok.. fine! I’ll do it. (Acts like he’s doing me a favor).
Great. We’ll play at home. It will be fun.
It’s on the tablet. So when we get home, after you shower, take out your tablet and bring it to me and we’ll download that game. Then I’ll show you how it works and we’ll play it.
(Wide eyed, red face, puffy eyes, head down)….uh….. daddy.
There’s something I have to tell you.
It’s about the …the..t..tttt….tablet.
We can’t play the game on the tablet…b..b..because…because…
BECAUSE IT IS CRACKED?!
(Crying.) I just woke up one day… and it was just like that on it’s own! I swear!
Tablets don’t crack on their own Ethan.
It did! The screen cracked by itself!
When did it break?
Uh…. yesterday. (Liar. It’s been broken for at least a few weeks.)
Why didn’t you tell me?
I told mommy. (Liar. He never did.)
No you didn’t. I spoke to mommy today earlier. She knew nothing of this!
I DID. I DID! Waaaaaaaa. (Starts crying again and asking for forgiveness.) I’m a horrible person.
No. You’re just a liar with an attitude.
So, what should we do with you?
Throw me out into the street and make me poor.
Nah, I’m saving that for when you’re a teen.