Wife Stands Up To Big Organic

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I’m very proud of my wife.  She’s  always been a rational and intelligent woman.  I honestly admire her very much.  Recently she was walking outside and this female college student stopped her on the street. The student was apparently not very educated as she was advertising this “healthy” organic food place that serves all “natural” all “organic” food. She was raving about it while trying to promote it to my wife.

This is how the conversation basically went.



Hello Miss. I am a “Bernie or Bust” supporting college student who voted for Jill Stein. You need to wake up sheeple and do your own research by googling unsubstantiated and debunked youtube videos from non-mainstream media and conspiracy sites like naturalnews.com.  Scientist are lying to you because they want to poison your food. Don’t believe the propaganda fed to you from agricultural companies like Monsanto, medical experts, and facts supported by “scientific consensus.”

Instead, read these flyers from Whole Food, Natural News, and Food Babe. And food babe knows what she is talking about because unlike those scientists, she knows nothing about science, farming, or agriculture. She’s on facebook and get’s a lot of likes. The Scientists? Not so much. So she must be right. More likes = More right. Black Mirror and Orville proved it.

Organic food is healthy and cures everything while non-organic food and GMO causes cancer and poisons children.  Big corporations are lying to you in an attempt to poison you with chemicals. Chemicals are evil. (Even though everything around us consists of chemicals.)

Here is a secret conspiracy that only I know about because I’m totally woke, and I will share it with you. Corporations are trying to get you to buy their products. So instead of being a corporate shill and buying poison from these big corporations, you should shop at the corporation that hired me to promote their products instead. So I am promoting this company called –

ustainable  ommunity  nti-GMO  arket,  inc.”










No thanks. Organic food is bullshit. Not only is it overpriced but there is no scientific evidence or consensus that it is any healthier or more beneficial than non-organic food. Besides, GMO is a good thing.  I go where the science is. Therefore, we don’t buy into this.




The girl just stopped dead in her tracks and had nothing to say (Or maybe she was just high.) She just looked at my wife with an open mouth from shock (or hunger from the munchies).  And the following is EXACTLY what she said per my wife’s quote:   

“WOW. I don’t know what to say now. I literally don’t know what to say.”


The girl was visibly stunned and surprised. Apparently nobody has ever said that to her. I guess a lot of anti-science,  uninformed people unfortunately just jump on the organic, anti-GMO band wagon. The girl was dumbfounded.

Now, I’m not sure exactly what happened afterwards so I just filled in the blanks from that point on in my (delusional)  mind,  but I’m pretty sure we can pretend that the rest of the scenario went something like:





I find your honesty, bluntness, logic, and adherence to the scientific method strangely arousing. Want to have sex with me?




Sure,  why not?





Can I watch?






Why watch when you can join in?






1990’s Gillian Anderson?! What are you doing here?
Wait! Weren’t you just a weird looking  hippy chick a second ago?






Hey, don’t ask me. It’s your fantasy.













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