I’m at this burger joint and I squeeze ketchup onto the fries from a plastic squeeze bottle. The bottle lets off this quick squishy farting sound. “pweeeef”.
Just then, the guy at the table across from me turns around and quickly looks at me. I’m looking at him with this look like, “Hey, that wasn’t my fart. It was the ketchup bottle!” And he is looking at me obviously thinking, “Yeah. Sure it was. Ketchup bottle. Whatever.”
So naturally, I try to pick up the ketchup bottle and squeeze it again to replicate this same sound. You know? To prove that it is the ketchup bottle farting and not me. But he turns around with his back to me while I’m doing it. So now he can’t see me anymore. Even worse is the fact that the ketchup bottle is not even making that same sound anymore.
I’m thinking “No! You must look at me squeezing the bottle because if it makes that same sound while your back is turned, you’ll just think it was me farting again.” I am now desperately trying to get him to look towards my direction while I purposely squeeze ketchup on the fries. I am determined. This man MUST see me squeezing this ketchup bottle while it makes this farting sound so he knows the fart was the bottle and not me! But he REFUSES to look at me as I pick up the bottle. Instead, this man just runs off to the bathroom while I’m standing there holding my bottle in my hands. (There’s a sexual joke there somewhere.)
I’m thinking “No! Dammit! Come back!” So being the perfectly rational and sane person that I am, I contemplate on what to do. Should I track this guy down? I’m obsessed now.
Then at that moment, I realized why Seinfeld was such a popular show.