The Craigslist Psycho

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Before I moved to the new neighborhood, I posted some furniture  for sale on craigslist and hung flyers outside our apartment complex.

One such item was a beautiful faux marble chest of drawers which originally went for 700.00 new. The chest was in excellent condition as pictured here:



We were in a hurry to sell as we were moving and posted it for 80.00. It was a steal at this price.  I’d sell it for more as other similar ads for comparable products were selling chests like this for up to 300.00. But again we were in a bit of a hurry to sell. This is not a cheap particle board chest. It is a high quality product.


A psychopath read the ad and came over with his girlfriend to check out the chest. He seemed very interested.  He said it is a very nice chest but $80.00 is out of his budget and left. I don’t remember this guy’s name so let’s just call him Psycho.  Meanwhile another woman made an arrangement to pick up the chest over the weekend but she wasn’t sure whether she would have a truck on hand to take the chest with her. She assumed she’d just walk in, grab it and carry it out.  Regular genius.


So here is where it gets weird….

Note:  (I don’t know have a picture of the psycho so I’m just using Anthony Hopkins photo from “Silence of the Lamb”)



(sends me a text.) 

That chest I saw that you are selling for $80.  I’ll take it for $40.




It’s 80.00  The chest is 700.00 new, .  My price is 80.00 near perfect condition because I’m moving soon. I also have a woman who will probably pick it up tomorrow for 80.00 so if you’re not interested or can’t buy it, that’s fine. But she will most likely get it tomorrow for 80.00



Oh. Ok.  I’ll give you 55.00 then and I’ll take it now. Ok?




You don’t get it. Other people are interested in it for full price. The other woman is getting it for 80.00. I’m not selling it for lower. If you want it for full price you can get it earlier.  If  for some reason she doesn’t get it and I don’t have any other interested sellers MAYBE  I’ll let it go for a LITTLE cheaper.




Oh ok.   ………uh…but I may have to eat you later.









Nothing. It’s fine. Fine.



Later that day…..




 (texting me again)   So can I get it for 60?




I told you, she is picking it up probably.





What if she tries to bargain with you? How do I know your not going to sell it to her for a lower price instead of selling it to me?




(For fucks sake, then just pay me the full price if you’re that worried)

She’s not buying for a lower price. She’s taking it for 80.00!




Oh. Ok.   (But I still may have to eat you)



Now I’m getting creeped out.


The woman did not buy the chest. She wasn’t able to arrange a truck to pick up the chest unfortunately. But my wife’s coworker became interested at the same time and was willing to pay full price. She was looking to make arrangements to get an SUV to pickup the chest. So I was waiting to see if she can get it.



 (Later. Texting me again.)  Did she buy it?




No. But my wife’s coworker is interested in buying it at full price. She may get it tomorrow if she can grab a truck. I’ll tell you what. If she can’t grab a truck, I’ll sell it to you for 60.00. I’m getting a lot of inquiries about the chest but I do want to unload it already.




I TRUSTED YOU!  YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SELL IT TO ME FOR A LOWER PRICE! Not to someone else for 80.00!!!      (Like I owe this dipshit something) 

You know, truth be told, on principle I can’t bring myself to buy a USED dresser for 80.00 when I can buy a new one at Walmart.


(Actually, truth be told, this USED dresser isn’t sold at Walmart. The quality is too high and comparable chests were being listed up to 200-300 used on craigslist.  He could get a cheap particle board budget 100.00 chest at Walmart. But not the type of chest I was selling. To each each his own though.)



Ok. No problem. Good luck with your Walmart purchase.


Later the next day…..




(Texts me again.)   So, I need to know now.  Are you selling me the dresser for 60.00 or am I gonna go to Walmart and buy a new one for 75?




I think you are looking for a different type of dresser / chest. Go to Walmart and get a 75.00 dresser if you want. But it won’t be like this one. It will be of an inferior quality made of cheaper particle board. But that is fine if this is what you are looking for. They have some good deals if you’re looking for budget furniture. But this is not a budget chest.  Good luck to you.



I’m confused. So is that a yes?



No. I’m not selling it to you.



Next day……
I get many texts from supposed other potential buyers who saw my flyer and people from craigslist. All of these people allegedly read my ad and are excited to buy my chest of drawers. But  suspiciously enough,  now, NONE of them want to pay 80. All of them want to pay below 60.00. This wasn’t the case before. People were more than  willing to pay full price. But now I am bombarded with emails and texts from different strangers who all want to low-ball me immediately down to just below 60.00.  The same exact price that Mr. Psycho  wanted to pay.  Hmmm.

Another thing that struck me as being kind of odd. All of the conversations started off nice but ended up with the buyers insulting me and my “shitty” dresser. hmmmmm…. sounds very suspicious.
(Stranger texts me)


psycho disguise

Hello, I’m totally not the psyho you were speaking to before. Nor am I a psychotic friend of his. I’m someone totally different. We’ve uh… never met before. Now that we’ve just established this for no particular reason, I’d like to ask you a random question.
How much for the dresser drawer?





Have I met you somewhere?



psycho disguise
No. We’ve never met.   Ummm. Will you sell it for 55? I’ll buy it right now.



Not for that kind of quality chest.  I could go as low as 70.00 maybe but not lower than that.



psycho disguise
Dude, never mind. Lol. “High quality” hah! Thx but no thx.



ok. Not sure why you are interested in purchasing my furniture if you think it sucks to begin with but ok.


(Mind you, aside from photos,  he never saw them. So why insult my dresser that you are considering buying in the first place? If you think it is shit, why buy it? Or are you a proxy buyer for that psycho neighbor?)



……later that day…..



psycho disguise2
(I get another text.)

Hi! I’m now a completely different person. My name is deranged psych… um… I mean Leia.  Princess Leia.  Do you still have the chest for sale or has it sold???  Your selling it for $120 right?



No. I’m selling it for 80.00.



psycho disguise2
Yes, I’m sorry. I got your ad mixed up with someone else’s. (as well as my personality)

Ok. I see yours now. I’ll buy that for 50.



No. Sorry. For that quality dresser I can’t go that low. It’s 80.00



psycho disguise2
What kind of dresser is it?  I’m sorry. I’m such a goof.  A bit distracted. (With Alderaan destroyed and everything). Maybe I looked at the wrong one again. I had a lot of ads. Forgive me.



I’ll be home in 20 min. I’ll send you pics when I get home.



psycho disguise2
Never mind. I know which one is yours now. 60 is the highest I can go for that one.



And 70 is the lowest I am willing to let it go for.  hmmm.
I’ll tell you what. Let’s compromise. How about 65?

(At this point I was kind of messing with him because I had my suspicions by now. Psycho wanted to pay 60.00)



psycho disguise2
If the dresser is really as high quality as you say, are you really willing to miss out on a sell for 5 dollars? You’re not really valuing it very high if you are about to let me walk away for 5 dollars.  I changed my mind either way. You seem pretty irrational. I get a bad feeling. Best of luck.



Those are just a few examples. It’s been like that all day. I guess psycho really wanted that dresser. Getting all his psycho pals to text pretending to be other people to hurl insults at me and my dresser in an attempt to try to get me to sell at reduced price to them instead so he could get it cheaper definitely earns you a ticket to ride on the crazy train. I wonder if he really went to Walmart?  Perhaps he took photos of my chest of drawers and has it plastered all over his walls as he is chanting… “YOU WILL BE MINE!!! I WILL HAVE YOU! AND I WILL HAVE YOU FOR LESS THAN 60.00!!!!  DO YOU HEAR ME?!”


Finally a woman called and asked if the drawer was for sale. She offered full price and told me she would pick it up on the weekend. I’ve heard this story so many times on craigslist including promises from people regarding my chest of drawers. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve waited for no shows. But I agreed. What do I have to lose?


Soon after, a Mexican guy called me and asked about the chest of drawers.  He came 30 minutes later in a pickup truck with a few friends and purchased it for full price at 80.00 without any problems.   FINALLY!  Chest is sold.


As a courtesy, I email the woman and let her know that the chest has already been sold.

She responds with an attitude problem scolding me about how I shouldn’t have sold it. I should have waited for her instead as though I owe her something even though so many people have been no shows. Turns out, she was also a psycho.

Who would have thought that there are psychotic people online and on craigslist just waiting to connect with you.


These dangerous psychopaths could be anywhere? They could be stalking you. Watching you. Trying to buy things from you on craigslist.



These psychos could be blogging.

They could  even be……







would you fuck me




rudeboy_OZ middle finger icon





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