I normally don’t review restaurants and other venues but I figured what the hell. I’ll write about Tony’s in Houston. I now live across the street from them but at the time I went there, I was living in a different neighborhood but not far from them.
It was our anniversary. After taking in a show, my wife and I had a wonderful dinner at Tony’s on 09/2015. I’m a native of Brooklyn, NY so my taste can be choosy.
So I made reservations at Tony’s Restaurant. Tony himself came out to take our order.
This is what what happened when Tony came out to greet us.
Hey, I’m Tony Soprano. I’ll be serving you tonight. Don’t just stand there like some fanook? What the fuck do you want?
I’d like a, petit filet mignon, very lean.
Not so lean that it lacks flavour, but not so fat that it leaves drippings on the plate.
And I don’t want it cooked – just lightly seared on either side, pink in the middle; not a true pink, but not a mauve either. Something in between.
Bearing in mind the slightest error either way, and it’s ruined!
SHUT THE FUCK UP! You’re getting gabagool!
I then realized immediately I went to see the wrong Tony!
I quickly hightailed it out of there and drove to Tony’s Restaurant in Houston.
You’ll be back. I”ll just wait here for you.
What’s this song? “Don’t stop believing” by Journey. I think I’ll just pop this song into the jukebox while sitting at this booth in an ominous yet inconspicuous fashion, waiting until the rest of my family gets here. Why is my daughter always…..
Tony’s….that is the Real Tony’s restaurant in Houston, is a very upscale restaurant located in the Greenway Plaza neighborhood. It’s the kind of restaurant that caters to very classy people. So my wife fit in perfectly and I fit in like a gorilla in a suit. They apparently served multiple presidents before and some of them may have actually been good ones too! Honestly I never felt so pampered. I’ve been to upscale places before (McDonalds, Wendy’s, KFC) but this one topped them all.
I was talking to my wife at the table. I was telling her a story about work and I wouldn’t stop talking. Then my wife told to me to be quiet because I noticed at the corner of my eye, the waiters were standing behind me with the menu, “patiently” waiting for me to finish talking. They were waiting for a break in my conversation so that they could hand us the menu. It seemed like they were standing there for a good couple of minutes just waiting for us to stop talking. Good thing our child who was 5 years old at the time wasn’t there or they’d still be there waiting for him to stop.
We had a couple of waiters and a captain. I never had a captain. But apparently he’s the guy who makes sure everything is served to your liking, explains everything and hovers over us helping the waiters. He’s like the “capo” of the Italian restaurant in our designated area. I also suspect that he is there to make sure that if we don’t pay, he “makes us an offer we can’t refuse.” You don’t mess with the capo!
I managed to take a picture of him and this is exactly what he looked like.
Throughout the night, my glass of water was never less than half empty. (And I’m a glass half empty kind of guy.) I tried! I wanted to challenge these people. But I couldn’t get it half empty, because if it ever dared to get half empty, a waiter ran up and filled it without me asking. When the meal came, the waiters brought the meal, served it to us, took the side dishes and began putting some of the sides right onto our plates for us one by one. God forbid I have to do this myself! The food (ribeye steak, lambchops, truffles,etc) was cooked to perfection! Best I ever had.
The service was excellent.
For dessert we had Soufflé. The flavor wasn’t on the menu. Captain just said, “choose the flavor.” I asked one of the waiters, “What flavor?” There are no flavors on the menu.” He said, “Anything you desire. Just say it and our chef will prepare it.” I didn’t know what to say. “But there are no flavors listed!”, I proclaimed.
“Eyyy Fangul!! Why you gotta break my balls? I’m gonna tell you what, you fat fuck. Just pick a FUCKING FLAVOR before I make a souffle out of you!”
I was just confused. I wasn’t trying to insult you.
So I’m thinking (chocolate, strawberry, vanilla). My experience with flavor comes from Breyer’s ice cream.
But my wife yells out:
We shall have “Grand Marnier Souffle” And she said it with authority. So I knew it must be good.
So I said,
“Oh yes. Lovely, I shall have that same thing!”
We shall have TWO Grand Marnier Souflles! On the double my good man!
Tony really outdid himself. I have eaten at many fine restaurants in NY and Houston. I’ve eaten at fine French, Italian, Turkish and various Ethnic cuisines. Mid range and high range. Tony’s very much impressed me not only with their top notch service but excellent food. Truffles were great. I highly recommend. Thank you for a wonderful time, and now that we’ve moved practically across the street we’re now in walking distance.
We’ll definitely be back every week to dine with you…………….
is what I’d like to say……
something else happened that night.
I didn’t use the bathroom facilities. My wife did. She says that every stall in the bathroom has it’s own personal sink for each individual person. That is a very nice touch. However, she did say that the water pressure was a bit low for the individual sinks so for that I have to say…
“This is disgraceful. I have never been so insulted in my entire life! And you call yourself a restaurant!”
So, in conclusion , because the water pressure was a little low in the individual sinks unfortunately, that kind of ruined the evening for us at the end. And because of that, my wife and I will NOT be coming back to this restaurant anytime soon. Maybe we’ll come back for special occasions or to have dinner from time to time. But this low water pressure will ensure that we will not be regular visitors. Only occasional ones!
The 320.00 dollar bill is not a key factor in this decision at all. It’s the water pressure. I swear.
http://tonyshouston.com/ – To see Tony’s website. When we went there, it had a dress code, suit and tie, evening gown. I think they changed it since to be more business casual during the week. You may need to check.
https://ciaobellohouston.com/ – Tony’s sister website. Also great food with a casual atmosphere. No need to wear a suit for this restaurant and more affordable but still great quality food.